Taking a selfie as we age is not for the faint of heart. It’s not just a photo—it’s a full-contact sport involving lighting, angles, breath control, and the agility of a Cirque du Soleil contortionist.
First, on take one and two and three…. Well you get it, I am concentrating so hard that I look like I am trying to diffuse a bomb. Then there is minimizing the number of chins that I want to have in just one picture. One wrong angle and there’s that rogue chin popping into the frame like it’s got its own ZIP code.
To avoid the chin situation and the chicken neck syndrome, I stretch my neck out like a turtle doing Pilates, hold the camera overhead at an angle so precise it should require a protractor and a geometry degree, and squint into the sun because good lighting now only happens at exactly 7:04 p.m. from the west-facing bedroom window.
And don’t even get me started on filters. My sister and several friends always look so perfect in their selfies; download a program with filters they said. I explained that I just want something subtle. You know—erase 20 years, smooth out the crow’s feet, maybe remove the dark circles under my eyes (and maybe the bags and carry-on luggage too). But one wrong filter and suddenly I look like a wax statue ready to become a full-size candle. (And quite possibly looking I belong in a wax museum or just came out of witness protection).
Of course, the moment I think I’ve nailed it, I realize my thumb is in the corner of the shot, or I’ve hit “video” and now have 37 seconds of me breathing heavily while muttering, “Where’s the dang button?”
But hey—who needs perfection? These selfies are proof of life, laugh lines, extra cheese and never passing off the dessert cart; and a lot of lived-in joy. Sure, I might look like I’m performing a high-stakes operation every time I take a selfie, but I’m still here, still smiling (strategically), and still fabulous. Right? Plus, if I ever go missing, I want the authorities and my family to have a halfway realistic picture to put on the milk cartons, wine bottles, or Pepto bottle, depending on the crowd.
Leave a Reply