When Facebook first came out, I thought I would be one of the first to utilize it as a real estate agent. I pictured myself impressing clients with listings, offering clever advice, and humbly bragging with photos of the grandkids and pictures of my travels. What could go wrong?

Here is what could go wrong; I decided to learn Facebook and upgrade to a new smartphone at the same time. That’s like trying to bake a soufflé while putting together a total-gym. Possible? Maybe. Advisable? Absolutely not.

One day, instead of saving my grocery list in Notes, I blasted it across Facebook. Suddenly, the world knew I needed:

• Pepto
• Cat food
• Metamucil
• Three jars of green olives (I said what I said)
• Taco seasoning
• Shredded cheese
• Extra-strength deodorant (the regular strength took one whiff and surrendered)

Not quite the witty post I had in mind.

I can just imagine my high school classmates scrolling through their feeds:

• “Huh, she was voted Most Likely to Succeed… and now she’s hoarding olives.”
• “Fiber, deodorant, cat food… sounds like she’s starting early on her best senior citizen starter pack.”
• “Do you think she pairs the Pepto with the taco seasoning? Bold.”

Yes, I buy three jars of green olives at once. No, I don’t have a problem. Okay, maybe I do, but it’s called being prepared. I’ve given up plenty of vices: smoking, reckless shoe shopping, and 2-for-1 margarita Tuesdays. If olives bring me joy, let me live. I can’t believe I feel like I need to be explaining myself here.

At least I know one thing: if I ever invite you over for taco night, you won’t leave hungry. Or lacking fiber. Or smelling bad.

The thing is, Facebook was supposed to be my professional tool; my platform to showcase homes and highlight successes. Instead, it revealed that my digestive system needed backup and that I take taco night very seriously. In the grand scheme, though, maybe that’s better. Nobody remembers your perfect posts. But they do remember the time you told the internet you needed Metamucil. I have used Facebook in multiple business contexts and make sure to review my messages before sending them.  And even then, I still make some crazy mistakes.

A Little Serious Note for Seniors on Facebook

If you’re learning Facebook later in life (like me), here are a few tips to save you from broadcasting your grocery list—or worse:

• Double-check before you hit “Post.” Sometimes a note you meant to save ends up live on your feed. A quick peek can prevent a lot of explaining.
• Use “Friends Only” settings. You don’t have to share everything with the whole world. A little privacy goes a long way.
• Ignore strange friend requests. If you don’t know them, don’t click. Scammers love friendly faces.
• Skip the oversharing. Facebook is for recipes and grandkid photos—not your address, phone number, or Social Security number.
• Practice before you publish. Write your post in Notes or Word first. Once you’re happy, copy it over. It saves both nerves and olives.

Trust me—your future self will thank you.

So, what’s the takeaway? Social media is a giant stage, and sometimes you give a brilliant performance… and sometimes you forget your lines and announce your digestive health plan instead. Either way, people will clap. Or laugh. Or send you a coupon for olives.

And honestly, I’ll take all three.

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